Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
