I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
