your room smells of hookers.
And success
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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