I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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