Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize