I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
