i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
