Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
