white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize