I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
