Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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