I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
