I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize