I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
