I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
