I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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