I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
