I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Walk of Shame today included voting.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
