wat bout pragnant strippers??
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
