I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
