My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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