trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
