it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Randomize
