she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
