I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
