You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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