Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I have so many feelings about this burrito
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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