Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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