Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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