i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
