We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
