JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
This is the prime rib incident all over again
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
So vagazzling was a success
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
