How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
