I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
