Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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