Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
