You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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