That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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