I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
