You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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