I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
