I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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