I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
