So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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