after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize