roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
