you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
as a side note pls kill me
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
