i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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