I am in a vortex of obligation.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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