It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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