I'm drive I can fine osifer
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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