i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
