I never want to see another naked old woman again.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Everyone says I win the strip club
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
