he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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