Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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