Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
