i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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