after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
