the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
