john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
