I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize