Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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