I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
