people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
