you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
