Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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