He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
