Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
