Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
