they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i dont even know how to be here
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
