$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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